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(genocidal, syphilitic, murderous, imperial, pirate) James Cook landed first in 1769 (in the quest for the expansion of the British Empire), has been confirmed by the (Crown) Government as the location of a national opening ceremony in October 2019 to launch First(ish) Encounters 250, the (party we’re throwing) to mark the 250th anniversary of the first(ish) encounters between Maori and Europeans (that is – if you’re ignoring other first encounter between Abel Tasman and Ngāti Tūmatakōkiri 127 years earlier – but then it’s not Dutch colonial occupation we’re trying to justify so Tasman doesn’t matter).

“We understand that there may also be events in Tauranga and Auckland.

It is important to note that the national opening ceremony will be unique to Gisborne (- we truly did win the race of the racists).” Trustees have been working hard to .” Jenny Shipley, chairwoman of the national co-ordinating committee for First Encounters 250 (and famous racist) said the event would provide impetus for tourism and create opportunities for regional economic development (of course she also once accused all Maori and Pacific Islands of climbing in people’s windows at night.) [

A strong focus on the art and science of Pacific and European voyaging and navigation, including wananga and symposia (so long as they keep playing along like good brown boys and girls).

Dr Soloman said the Gisborne opening ceremony would be the beginning of a nationwide commemorative and other landing sites (Uawa and Anaura Bay, Mercury Bay, Bay of Islands and Marlborough).

If so, they need more direction (from a dictatorial ass like myself), more (Creative NZ pleasing) provocations to tease out their (clearly innate) expressiveness and to find movement patterns that go beyond the habitual colonized body (that speaks to my own self reflection and subsequent projection onto others. The piece (because I have now assumed it is a bit, a piece, not a whole, not a body, not a cloud) progresses with more (enriching) slow movement, more soft-spoken words read from a book and more wonderful lights by Sefton Bates that call out to the choreographer (and say Thank You Jack for all the collaborative weaving you did that I actually picked out bit by bit and still didn’t recognize the ether WAS the choreography).

Hey wait – this washing over you thing seems to be working – what the hell am I even going on about and when am I going to get a dictionary to find out what Tuawhenua means and what the cultural and physical exploration is actually about.. I try again (because God loves a trier) to let it wash over me but don’t feel immersed (more like splattered and then needing a hand towel and a change of top).

The replica Endeavour will visit Gisborne and other main sites Cook (invaded) in 1769 (maybe even the sites where he stopped to murder unarmed fishermen and women for their waka, and kidnapped young men against their will).

Arts, Culture and Heritage Minister Maggie Barry has allocated $3.5 million (of taxpayer funds) towards a commemorative voyage around New Zealand by a flotilla, including Endeavour and voyaging waka and vaka from the Pacific (to reward the good waka for validating the tale of the beneficial colonizer).

The last visit of the replica Endeavour to Gisborne in 2005 led to (rightful) protests (where descendants of those who were murdered, and whose land remains stolen, dutifully reminded those in attendance of the heinous acts committed that have yet to be redressed).

Mr Foon and Dr Soloman have welcomed the (Crown) funding (while acknowledging that it was hardly surprising seeing as it’s really celebrating the Crown’s presence and who likes to celebrate the Crown more than the Crown -) and confirmation of Gisborne’s prominent role in the 2019 nationwide (racist) commemoration (of theft, kidnapping and indigenous murder), which will be held over three weeks (with numerous reminders and smaller events occurring last year, this year, next year and throughout 2019 – just to make sure the natives really get to roll around in it).

In parallel with the exhibition, a gathering of those artists would be hosted in (browntown) Uawa/Tolaga Bay by Toi Hauiti (of Te Aitanga a Hauiti) (who are, in case you didn’t notice, Maori), both events managed by local designers Tai and Kaaterina Kerekere (who the Crown dutifully rewards with cucumber sandwiches that may be consumed out the back with The Help).