Start Invalidating environment

Invalidating environment

So your kids are likely already used to participating in some of these forms of communication and interaction.

Resentments – Holding a resentment against someone or holding it over their head in an attempt to influence them, therefore invalidating what they have to say.

Overempowerment – This can lead a child to believe that they can do or have anything they want in a world that does not work that way. Lecturing – This one presents an attitude of, “You’re wrong for what you said or did and it is my job to correct and scold you for it.” Or, “You obviously don’t know what you’re talking about, so let me inform you from my vast knowledge of the subject.” It also indicates to the person that they are not intelligent and therefore need to be educated.

Intellectualizing – Avoiding emotional content, the other person’s emotions, and turning it into not just brainiac talk, but also sending the message that the other person is not intelligent or less intelligent. Threatening – Threatening another person in any way based on what they have said or done is an invalidation of their communication.

Shaming – Attempting to illicit feelings of shame is a direct attack on the worth of a person.

Anger/Rage – Utilizing anger or rage to overpower what someone else is trying to communicate.

What Johnny has already learned is not appropriate emotion regulation and expression, but that he is not allowed to have his own emotions, what he genuinely feels is wrong, and that someone else is in charge of his emotions.

Since invalidation takes on many forms, let’s get to some examples.

Name Calling – Name calling devalues a person and their worth.